Sunday, October 14, 2012

stop blaming the program

Yesterday marked the end of week 3 to my 8 week ETC Bootcamp. Each session gets progressively harder, and people are dropping like flies. We started at 105 deep... and 3 little weeks later are at 75. it TRULY is hard to make a lifestyle change. It's easy to start something and GO HARD in the beginning. But it's even harder to finish what you started when the program is over 2 weeks in it's duration. There are sooo many people in the bootcamp that inspire me. Like the 69 year old woman (who's husband of 49 years things she's only 65 lmao) . This woman comes to bootcamp every day (and works out in expensive jewelry lol) and gives 100 plus percent. She is in excellent physical health and looks AMAZING!!! #werk   Or my Asian "Ken".....that man.... (let me stop here lol)....or my #1 nemesis..... BARBIE.... her looks are the exact opposite from mine...5'10, long and lean like a prima ballerina, blonde hair, blue eyes. My personal goal is to keep up with her EVERY session ( I beat her by 2 seconds in the lap wrap sprint yesterday...YES-Napoleon Dynamite voice)



With all of that greatness there is 1 individual that stands out because she erks the hell out of me.... 1 of the only 3 african american women in the program....and the 1 of the 3 of us that needs the bootcamp the MOST o_o... This broad shows up to classes late, half asses through the program, volunteers to set up or clean up stations or takes pics of the rest of us working out (for the ETC Bootcamp FB Page )while the rest of us are doing squats/ push ups, and "doesn't run on cement" so won't do the regular interval burn outs BUT doesn't accept substitute cardio in lei of the outdoor running (like running on a treadmill during that time). In the beginning she would grab the heaviest weights to say she used a heavy weight, but her form would be horrible. Or would say she did 5 million burpies when the most fit of us did a fraction of that, but her form was horrendous. The trainers constantly spend time trying to redirect her form which she never accepts....why are you here? You are here to "say" you are participating in a bootcamp. I switch workout shoes frequently (dependent upon how my legs feel from the workout the day before) and 1 day I wore my vibrams (5 finger toe shows for those unfamiliar with the brand). We were doing a flexibility/core exercise and I was in PURE beastmode (plus I typically excel at anything that is based on how flexible you are). Several people around me said "WOW Crys, that's awesome!! Good Job!"  THIS BISH had the nerve to say, "WOW, that was smart to wear your 5 fingers. I'm gonna wear mine next week. That's why I'm struggling right now...because I'm not wearing mine.." Sure enough the next week she wore hers....I wore a different pair of shoes...and once again, I OUT BEASTED her. As a matter of fact she did worse this week than the day before. Not everyone can wear vibrams during cardio.

 At the end of bootcamp I was putting my bootcamp success tracker in the designated area, when chick ran ahead of me to put her's back (#shrug...at least she was running. this chick is REALLY trying to prove something lol)... I placed mine on top of hers and realized that there was NO progress in ANY CATEGORY (thank the Lord the trainers watch grps of two and keep count for us...otherwise I'm sure she'd have lied). As the entire group was leaving bootcamp I overheard her telling another bootcamper that she was disappointed that she hadn't had any progress after week 3 and she things its because she's partnered with the 69 year old woman, which is "slowing her down" o_o GTFOH!!!

The trainers, who know what they are doing, partnered us with people after a thorough assessment was taken on day 1. I'm partnered with a 30 year old MAN. It was based on our abilities...I am thankful for that rationale because I struggle to keep up with him EVERY SESSION, it's a constant challenge to keep up with him, and I'm doing it!!!! THAT is the point. The 69 year old women may not do the most reps in each exercise, but her form is impeccable, she's using heavier weights than I do (in exercises that require weights), and her body is SICK for a 69 year old woman. Hell, it's sick for a 40 year old woman (come to think of it ) lol.

As I drove home from bootcamp, highly annoyed by the audacity in her statement, I realized that there are many people that blame a program/ regimen for the lack of success/ progress instead of taking some accountability for their own actions. It bothers me to no end when ppl say they're not getting results w/ a regimen that has been confirmed to work when the real problem is lack of discipline.  Example: insanity works. Period. I lost weight. But in reality it was not the right program for me. Why was it not the right program for me (at the times that I did it)? Well, I followed the calendar to a T, but the lack of discipline for me came in the form of not executing proper form. Not being disciplined to execute the requested moves in the proper form, because no one was holding me accountable. I'm the type of person that works out best in GROUP settings with an instructor reinforcing accuracy in executing the moves (AND providing positive energy or words of encouragement). Another contributing factor in the lack of insanity success was my nutrition. It wasn't the best. My membership will most likely end in December (that ish is expensive) BUT my goal is to be able to do insanity again in January. now that I have my nutrition under control (thank u )& in December will have had 7 months of professional training @ …I'm sure my results will be amazing (3rd times a charm)! (Along with my training for the half marathon I'm doing in February). 

MORAL OF THIS LONG WINDED ALL OVER THE PLACE STORY: Stop blaming the product, regimen, on the lack of your success with living a healthier lifestyle.  If you are unsuccessful while using the Herbalife product what are you not doing outside of the herbalife product to see the results you desire? Are you drinking enough water? What do your small mini meals/ snacks consist off? Are you using the herbalife products when they should be taken? ARE YOU GOING HARD IN THE GYM? All of those things define how much success you will have. Do you really want success? Or do you SAY you want it, but really don't WANT it?

Either way, PLEASE stop blaming the program...its most likely you....El Fin.

Friday, October 5, 2012

I REALLY AM A HORRIBLE blogger LOL

I said I was going to give you more frequent updates on my progress... #fail lol Soooo sorry...but life has not slowed down..not even a bit! sheesh!

BUT I'm still at it! Still consistent. Tomorrow will finish up week 2 of the 8 week Equinox (ETC) bootcamp....It's crazy...and I'm loving it ^_^

I'm noticing all types of changes to my body that I didn't think were possible. I participated in Lupus Walk 2012 and was blown away at my pics from last year compared to this year. ^_^


And yesterday, I was able to slide into jeans that I wasn't able to fit in 4 years!!!! WARNING....my 90 day tracker blog explained what body issues I'm experiencing as a woman post babies...*middle finger* to anyone who posts rude comments about stretchmarks lol




All jokes aside... I'm having a really hard time this week with my fitness because of all of the deaths of close friends over the last week. All of them died because of health conditions caused by their obesity. All of them ranged in ages from 31 to 39. All of them had children. It has been a much needed reality check for me as to the type of friend that I need to be to others. No longer will I turn the other cheek. No longer will I remain silent when I know someone is doing the absolute most in their lifestyle choices. I must live by example, but also be "my sister's keeper" in a much more vocal way. I will not lose another friend because I looked the other way... #RIP Tita... I love and miss you.....

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I'm a horrible blogger o_o 90 DAY TRACKER

With 2 jobs and 2 kids it's next to impossible to stay on top of blogs, twitter, Facebook  posts lol SO, my apologies for not copying and pasting the 90 day note I posted on Facebook.  so here it is (originally posted on 9/11/12- day 91 of fitness tracker):

90 days at last!!! YAY!!!!! *sips courage juice*... *continues with note* WARNING... THIS ISH IS LONG...I had alot to say... LOL

2nd WARNING: I wanted to be open and honest, and if you are insulted by anything I say I can't help you with that. I suggest you stop reading now ;-)
Yesterday marked my 90 day mark on my nutrition plan! YAY!!!! I'm so proud of myself!


15% body fat, 113lbs, size 2/3, white blood cell count stable!!!!!

For people who know me they know that I have no problem exercising and am the infomercial queen! I've completed 2 rounds of insanity, metamorphosis by Tracy, 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels, Zumba, and was getting it in at 24 hour fitness with my fitness mentors Taj and Mark. Even though I was busting my ass for 2 years trying to get back into shape after having Crunch, I was struggling. I didn't have this much difficulty after having Donovan 11 years ago, and had to accept the reality that the truth was -it's MUCH harder, post 30yrs of age (as a woman), to "bounce back". This was also baby #2....
All the while my brother in law was in the trenches of his Herbalife journey, and continued to show his progress. It was annoying, excessive, and I was close to hiding him. After all, he had ZERO examples of women in MY situation that he could use as an example of the product working. "Men lose weight easier than women. The pics of these women you keep posting already are thin, have never had a baby, and are in their early 20s... come on, son!" -*Ed Lover voice* And then 1 day he happened to post something that clicked. He said (summarizing lol) to stop waiting for the proof that it works and BE the proof that it works. What productivity was coming from being critical and a skeptic? Try it. What's the worst that can happen... and so my journey began.
Now I'm going to fast forward to the present, but then back pedal to offer some overall advice to both health enthusiasts and the skeptics... stay tuned or check out now....
On June 5th I started my Herbalife nutrition plan and weighed in at 151.3 lbs, was 33% body fat, and wore a size 9/10 O_O...I'm only 5'1"...THIS was a hard reality for me being a person that spent the majority of my life a size 0.
60 little days later I weighed in and 120lbs, 16% body fat and was down to a size 5!!!!! I lost 31.3lbs in 2 little months?! The ironic thing for me is that I was working out less than prior to the plan, but had better results. I have a variety of friends that were all working on their plans together (some were juicing, some were only eating raw foods, and some were working out 2-3 hrs a day!). I was working out every other day for 35-40 min max (thank you EQUINOX... THOSE CLASSES ARE SOOO DAMN ON POINT). I also did not follow the recommended diet as strictly as I could have (sorry health coaches, but I am still working on my eating... I gave up my Starbucks, didn't I!? Now THAT was a challenge-more on that later). Fast-forward to today... I'm 113.5lbs, size 1/2 and am 15% body fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stopped weighing myself at day 60. My weight was not the biggest concern anymore. My goal is to look healthy and fit, not "skinny" so forget the scale. But my biggest success story thus far is that my white blood cell count has been pretty stable since on this plan ^_^ #TakeThatLupus
And now it's time to discuss the most difficult part for me... The post pics...there are more pics in my Herbalife tracker album but it's restricted so if anyone wants to have access that doesn't pls let me know, and I will add you. Though I was just excited over all of those great changes to my body there are some negative changes that come along with weight loss. Changes that are not discussed opening in mainstream America. Where women are ridiculed publically (I can't begin to tell you the amount of times I've seen in my FB timeline and twitter where women are teased for flabby skin, stretch marks, and sagging breasts after weight loss/ having kids). Overall, I've lost a lot of elasticity in my skin. As I'm losing fat in my body the skin is not "bouncing back"... Initially I was disappointed... and then I met some WONDERFUL women in the Herbalife & Black Women Do Work Out communities that focus on empowering women to feeling comfortable in the skin that they are in ^_^. This has helped a lot. I'm not trying to be "in the best shape of my life"...because the best shape of my life was in 2000 before I became pregnant with Donovan lol My goal is to be the best Me that I can be, and along the way try to show the "real body of a woman" in it's TRUE form, and to be a living example that these "flaws" are not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It should be celebrated, in ALL forms...

Health Coaches/ personal trainers- don't forget to focus on the personal encouragement that people need. There’s more than just exercising and shakes to making an overall lifestyle changes. That's the part of this "plan" that's missing... that's the part that has so many ppl dropping off it (in my opinion). Offering them a nutrition plan and exercise regimen is not going to "treat" the addiction to an unhealthy lifestyle.

If it wasn't for the support of the people that I found around day 20/ 25 I would've quit this program a long time ago lol The program in itself is not that difficult... as a matter of fact it was/ is the easiest program (food wise) that I've ever done. (Example: metamorphosis by Tracy had a recommended diet that ended up running me approximately $350/week AND veggies don't keep long in the fridge... AND the time dedicated to food preparation was more than I had time for).

Words of advice to people struggling with living a healthier lifestyle:

1) Create a great circle of support. Though I agree with a lot of ppl that think that Herbalife is a cult (lol/ j/k...kindof *_*) I understand the dynamic. I have a group of ppl that share similar goals and it makes things much easier. I have 1 friend that I almost died while doing Tough Mudder. She encourages me in so many ways. She's currently training for a Triathlon!! I have friends that are my spiritual support when I'm down and just pray with me... I have my groups of exercise enthusiasts... and finally (and most importantly) Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum, my health coaches... who do live by example... even if in excess *_*
2) START...NOW LOL just start... if you don't exercise, start with walking. If you don't drink water, starting drinking water. If you eat out 5 days a week, eat out 4...then 3...then 2... START SOMETHING. Balance is everything.... if you play hard, then you have to work hard
3) Be realistic about your goals. Some friends created an insanity challenge, and there were people participating in it that I was genuinely concerned for. After all, I was pretty active and struggled with it. There's nothing wrong with low impact cardio, and starting off with moderating your eating habits (learning to eliminate the bad things) and then starting the nutrition plan. The biggest loser is another workout that I purchased and it worked WONDERS after I had crunch. I went from 179lbs to 160lbs! Let that marinate for a minute...

My fingers hurt from typing so off I go... check out my pics... check out my Herbalife blog... and it's been a great 90 days... so much that I'm continuing my nutrition with the 24 line of formulas, AND Equinox has invited me to participate in a free 8 week program. Pls send prayers/ positive energy my way! And thanks if you supported me and I didn't mention you. Know that you are "VALUED" (shout out to Mica *_*)





PS- I will do much better with providing updates to my body changes on the 24 formula

Thursday, August 16, 2012

new formula

Yesterday was the first day on my new Herbalife formula (24 line).... It's their meal replacement for atheletes.



It is running right through me O__O lol It tastes the same so thats a plus! Will provide an update a week from today.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

determined to stay consistent #DontStopWontStop

So the scale and I are super tight again...BUT having 2 kids has done a number to my core. I'm shrinking everywhere, but my stomach is the biggest challenge thus far. I know I have to be more aggressive with my abdominal regimen, and my core is the weakest part of my body. Either way, I will not give up... my stomach wasn't destroyed overnight, so shouldn't I spend the same amount of time on trying to repair it?
With that being said, I met someone through a FB group (Black Women Do Workout) who has been a HUGE inspiration to me. Not only has she lost a significant amount of weight the right way (over a reasonable amount of time), but she also has this confidence that I am so enamored by. Her stomach looks exactly how I will imagine mine to be once I reach my personal goals, and despite it's condition she remains unfazed by mainstream societies views on what "beauty" is. She shows off her new body with pride, and refuses to cover up just because it doesn't fit in to what is considered as conventional beauty. no air brushing, not tummy tuck..she is who she is... and I LOVE HER for it!!! :) #TeamEthel



Wednesday, July 18, 2012

the proof is in the pudding....

Pictures don't lie... well actually, in a world of photoshopping they can lie, BUT who would post a picture showing distorted belly buttons and stretchmarks due to pregnancy? lol so there's all the proof that I need that the pics are real!! YAY Herbalife!! Hello (again) 6 pack (soon)..... It's been YEARS since I've seen you (at least a decade)!!  It's a celebration, snitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








Monday, July 9, 2012

the road to success....

So I had a major set back over the past week and a half, and had to stop taking all of the supplements.  About a week and a half ago I started to develop hives and rashes all over my body. I wasn't sure what from as I had been taking the herbalife for about 2 weeks and had no bad reactions.  The only other thing I had eaten that was unusual were some berries from the Farmers Market. My doctor believes that the rashes could have been from the pestisides in the berries, an allergic reaction from the berries not being washed properly, or an allergic reaction to the silicon dioxide in the herbalife. I stopped taking the supplements, took the meds prescribed by the doctor, and the hives for the most part have gone away.

I made the decision restart the supplements this morning. Though I have not been on the supplements for a week  I have a major success to report. Saturday morning I participated in an obstacle event called Tough Mudder. It was 10-12 miles of pure hell, 80 degrees and sunny (Lupus & sun =flare ups).  TMI I started my cycle Friday night and decided to go forward with the event anyway....AND I COMPLETED IT!! I definitely believe that the nutrition plan played a major factor in my success, and I PRAY that I am not allergic to the product so I can continue with my success!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Stop saying it's easy... because it's not.... o_o

I've had several conversations over the past 24 hours about weight loss, nutrition plans, goals, life in general, and I wanted to share a bit of my 10 day successes, 10 day disappointments, and overall feelings since my last post.

SUCCESSES:

1) I'm down to 23% body fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH EM GEE!!! How do you go from 26% to 23% in such a short amount of time? The right nutrition plan and exercise... basically DISCIPLINE & CONSISTENCY lol I was extremely shocked to put on a brand new pair of leggings that were size medium and they fit BAGGY!!!! WTH?! YAY!!! I actually need to go belt shopping for my jeans!!!
2) I have not allowed my addictive nature to get the best of me.... I haven't had 1 sip of coffee.
3) I've been in the gym EVERY DAMN DAY.... WOOOHOOOO!!!

DISAPPOINTMENTS:

1) My core is WEAK....and as a direct result I'm probably not working out that area enough, and am not seeing the results that I (and my trainers) are expecting to see :( I'm adding some additional abdominal work to my already jam packed day in an effort to turn things around

2) Side Effects of the shakes-TMI
a)  is anyone else gassy? lol LAWD! I'm sure it's a good thing as I'm sure that means unwanted/ harmful toxins are leaving my body, but DAMN! o_o I share an office at one of my jobs .
b)The 2nd thing is not necessarily a disappointment but my urine is bright yellow lol I'm someone who prior to this nutrition plan was conditioned to believe that the more clear the urine the better. Just a little strange, but it's normal because it's from the multivitamins.

2) Personal Frustrations.....Sometimes it's exhausting hearing ppl who have no extreme weight loss struggles (and are not women) talk about how "easy" something is. Changing your diet, approach to physical fitness, and overall lifestyle is NOT easy. Period. I was at Playboy Jazz Festival Saturday, and the only thing keeping me from eating in excess was the fact that I really wasn't hungry (the shakes are very filling) and the fact that so many ppl hadn't seen me in a few weeks and were going on and on abt how great I looked. #Motivation #Encouraged #VerbalPraiseRocks lol

Someone I know posted a Facebook status that said something to the effect of, What's hump day when you could have no hump to have to get over, if you think positively and get your health and nutrition in order. That's not realistic for the average person that I know that has a 9-5 and has children or is in school and working at the same time. By Wednesday night/Thursday morning I am OVER my week.  My nutrition has been "right" for 2 weeks on my nutrition plan, and I'm in the gym about 6 days/ week, but it doesn't change the fact that I have stresses on the job, time consuming responsibilities as a parent, and don't forget temptation.  My co-workers telling me to skip the gym to go eat something fat and greasy. Or the business luncheon where they're encouraging you to get a drink. Or the co-worker leaving snacks and desserts on your desk *drools*. The heavenly aromas as you walk from the front door to your office are temptation by themselves! It is HARD saying "NO"... it's |much EASIER to say "I can skip the gym today b/c I've worked out so hard for the past 2 weeks." or "I'll just take a small bite...Just a little taste". Stop saying it is EASY.... Someone needs to be real and say,"it's not easy, but it can and must be done...and here is how......".  

So I guess that'll be the purpose of my blog throughout this 90 day experiment, and hopefully my "realness" will be exactly what you need to get you through/ over the "hump" of transformation from the old you to the new you ;-) ********T.E.A.M ***********

No, my nutrition plan is not "easy", but it has made a time consuming and arduous part of my life, figuring out what to eat in a small window of time, much easier, and that, overall, is making my fitness/ health goals EASIER to obtain, more realistic, and at a faster pace than how I was moving prior to starting.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Day 2.....


Hi,


My name is Crystal, and I have hit a plateau in reaching my weight loss goals. There are many variables as to why. Here are a few that come to mind:


1) STRESS-


a) In 2011 I was diagnosed with Lupus (SLE) and am on several medications (2 are steroids). This has been quite an adjustment for me as the condition has me fatigued throughout the majority of the day, and I experience "flare ups" of the joints of my body. This causes normal/ regular ambulation to be a HUGE obstacle for me almost every day. My goal is to switch to a holistic regimen and to titrate off of the steroids completely. This is against my Rheumatologist's recommendations, but I have met many African-American women in my age range, in various Lupus support groups, who have had many successes with holistic medicine, and many others that stayed on the regimen recommended by doctors and who now have arthritis at 30, or worse, have died at 30. I will beat this...There is a cure... and I'm on the path to healing #IveClaimedIt #AndSoItIs


b) I have 2 jobs in the legal industry. They are very time consuming and very demanding.


c) I have 2 children (D-age 11 yrs and Crunch - 3 yrs). They both are full of energy and their agendas and daily needs make it a challenge to prioritize my own needs (sleep, good diet, exercise, and did I mention sleep). Though I have lost the "baby weight" after having my 3 yr old I am in the worst shape of my life and cannot fit several "work" clothes that I invested in prior to finding out I was pregnant with Crunch. I went on a Black and White Label shopping spree right before I found out I was pregnant. There's even a power suit that cost $315 that I have yet to wear once :(


d) is a personal matter... so know there is a 4th reason, but out of respect for others attached to that reason the info shall be withheld... for now...BUT #disclaimer MAY be revealed at the end of the 90 days :) ...maybe . For the time being it will be documented in my personal journal.


SO.... what have I attempted on my own prior to this new nutrition plan?


I did 90 days of Insanity and drank Shakeology meal shakes for the last 30 days of Insanity. I lost 11 lbs in the 90 day period. Though I thought I looked good I know I could definitely do better. A friend/ trainer of mine took my measurements on May 28th and I was at 34% body fat. My current health coaches had been posting pictures of their results while on a 90 day nutrition plan with Herbalife, and though I was impressed I was skeptical at the same time, as it is easier for a man to lose weight than a woman. Especially a woman that has had kids. I decided to try the Herbalife Meal Replacement shakes instead of Shakeology and added the Herbalife tea that I had heard worked wonders for people's energy, and resumed working out with my personal trainer and my other workouts: dance classes (ballet & modern), zumba and cardio classes in the gym #EquinoxFlow.


On June 4th my measurements were taken again. I'm now at 26% body fat and lost 8lbs in 1 week! I was elated but still skeptical lol Whenever I have this many reservations it provides me with enough anxiety to convince me to try the program to get a definite answer to the question, "Does this really work, for WOMEN?" :) Either way I'm not one of those people that complains negatively about something that they've never experienced, so it looks like I'll be the 1st test study among my friends that also needs to get their health together. Not the most ideal test study with all of the other health variables that I have, but I'll be one nonetheless. I consulted with my Rheumatologist and he consented to the Herbalife Nutrition Plan. Day 1 was yesterday, 6/9/12.


MY GOALS:


Short Term: 1) weight 115-120lbs and 15-16% body fat. 2) I've signed up for a Tough Mudder event next month and I'm not even close to being prepared. 3) fit into my Black and White Label business clothes


Long Term: 1) beat Lupus! 2) get off medications (especially the steroids) 3) maintain optimum health for my boys 3) maintain weight 4) Aruba next summer ;-) 5) OVERALL HAPPINESS


Day 2 of the nutrition plan: is surprisingly good... I've taken all of my supplements and had a sensible meal yesterday... good snacks... BUT I'm reminded of how addiction is a mutha... and I have had an addiction to coffee since 1996. I've started my mornings with a Venti Caramel Macchiato every morning since 1996.... BUT have not had one in 2 days. That's the longest time without one since I was pregnant with Crunch! Though I have lots of energy on this Herbalife nutrition plan, and am not hungry, I still crave the taste of the caramel macchiato... o_o ...Thankfully since I'm not hungry I haven't broken down to get one. Times like this is when SOMEONE needs to be in your corner, calling you, texting you, encouraging you to break through the mental weakness that you may be experiencing.... I suppose that's what health coaches are for...right? #shrugs.... ANYWHO...


TMI ALERT/ GIRL TALK: other than the addiction, it is also "that time of the month" o_o This makes working out EXTREMELY difficult. Especially the 1st few days of my cycle. Friday was day 1, and I am SO proud of myself for pushing through the bloated state of being and the pain of cramps, and I worked out! Yesterday I had a modern dance performance and I was told that I was amazing (thank you Herbalife, b/c I DEFINITELY felt a surge of energy after the supplements taken after meal 3 (an hour before my performance). I'm most proud of the fact that everyone went to celebrate after (food and libations) but I decided to head home b/c I knew I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation in that environment lol #YayME !


There is still a nagging feeling inside of me that says, 'If this doesn't work it's not necessarily because of the program... after all you're on 2 steroids. But I'm plunging forward, full speed ahead, with positive thoughts and my 100% devotion to the recommendations from my health coaches, in order to receive optimal results... I will try to figure out how to upload pics and am also hoping to create a youtube page, but again, with all of the obligations listed above I hope I have time to at least maintain the blog. Please send positive thoughts and prayers my way! (Or just wish me luck lol)


Crys